Last Words
by Imasisara
Summary: Spike finds Xander in a bit of a mess. _pre-slash_
1. Xander

Disclaimer: pretty simple. Not mine. Wish they were. Really wish Spike was. But they both belong to someone else. sigh  
  
Warning: umm . . . character death? Almost . . . but not gonna say anymore. Will be updated eventually. Will have more than one part. Oh . . . and slash. Guy/guy sex (or at least hints of it). Think that's it.  
  
Angst, eventual sap/WAFF,  
  
Last Words  
  
"What are you doing?"  
  
I know that voice. But it sounds panicked. What's wrong? Is there something wrong with Dawn? It can't be Buffy . . . everything she could have done to him she has done before. Nothing changes . . . she never changes . . . I wonder if it is a Slayer thing?  
  
"Bloody Hell, Xander! What the fuck did you do?"  
  
Oh. It's my fault again. I open my eyes . . . wait, when did I close them? I forget everything as soon as my eyes are open. Everything is hazy except for the blue. Spike's eyes are concerned. Worried? Maybe a little afraid? No, Spike isn't afraid. Maybe worried that another blood supplier is leaving. But he can't be afraid.  
  
That's when I notice all the red.  
  
"Spike?"  
  
"God, pet. What did you do?"  
  
He is afraid. I can hear it in his voice. It's the strangest thing. I never thought I would hear that. But now I can hear him mumbling to himself. I kinda feel like I'm floating, not really in my body anymore. It's kinda neat . . .  
  
"Blood everywhere. Shit. Stupid Harris. Bloody fucking stupid!"  
  
I wonder if Spike realizes that he is shouting now. I giggle. I can hear Spike moving around, and then I see those pretty blue eyes. I always liked blue eyes.  
  
"Xander, why? What happened?"  
  
It takes me a minute to get what he is asking. Why is my blood everywhere, painting my apartment red? What happened to finally convince me that I really am useless? The only thing that isn't red is Spike. Ironic that the only thing here not drenched in blood is the blood-sucking vampire.  
  
"Anya."  
  
"Where is she?"  
  
"She left."  
  
The scene plays back in my mind.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Xander. I've decided that you don't want to give me orgasms anymore. And that's okay. I don't want you to give me them anyway. I've found someone to give me better orgasms. The rent is paid up through the next month. Have a nice life."  
  
Leaving me. Walking out the door to our apartment, the one that we had gone shopping for together. The anger came first. Why didn't she give me a chance to say anything? Not even good-bye? And she cheated on me!  
  
But then the anger disappeared. Once again I was deemed unworthy. Useless. Apparently, I can't do anything right.  
  
~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Fuck, Xander. Why?"  
  
"Worthless, useless, can't do anything right. No one wants me."  
  
I can hear my voice get softer. It's getting a little bit harder to breathe, but that's okay. I don't really need to anymore anyway. Right. Breathing optional.  
  
"Not worthless. Not useless."  
  
Spike's voice is getting softer too. I wonder how is it that vampires speak, but don't need to breathe? Don't you need air to talk?  
  
"You're not right! Come on, Xander, just hold out a little longer."  
  
Yup, Spike is definitely scared. I wonder why. And I know that I am right. No one wants me. Not Cordelia, not Willow, not Buffy. Certainly not Faith. And now Anya? Nope, the evidence has been compiles, submitted, and judged. Xander Harris is a useless screw-up, who can't make the simplest relationships work.  
  
I open my eyes again. When did I close them this time? Doesn't matter. All I see is blue. Endless blue. The pathetic remains of a worthless life have been sucked dry by these ice-blue eyes. I can hear him saying something, but I can't make out the words. My eyes drift shut again as I am pulled away from the blue, and as I float into the sea of black, I find the energy to say one last thing. Make it memorable, I think to myself. My entire life has led to this point. Don't screw up again.  
  
"Good-bye Spike."  
  
That'll work. 


	2. Spike

Last Words 2  
  
Shit. Fuck. Damn it all to Bloody Fucking Hell! Where is the bloody Slayer when you need her?  
  
So much blood. Too much blood. It's everywhere, and it is all his.  
  
What the hell am I going to do?  
  
Already called in favors. But is someone going to get here fast enough? Are they going to be able to save him? Is there anything else I can do? Someone just bloody help me out here!  
  
Why, pet? I don't understand . . .  
  
Anya. He said that it was Anya. I am going to hunt down the bitch and . . . do absolutely nothing all because of this Stupid Bloody Chip!  
  
"Xander, come on, open your eyes, just a little bit. You are not going to die on me. Not before I have a chance to kill you. You and the little witches are the only ones who will bloody well talk to me anymore, so come on"  
  
Not moving, pulse slowing, everything slowing. Not good. He's going to die on me, and before I can do anything. Before I can tell him anything . . .  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Come on, Bleached Wonder, let's go." Xander held the door opening, bowing slightly.  
  
"Now why the Hell should I go with you?" Glowering, scowling at the grinning boy - no, man. The Whelp had grown up at some point. When had that happened?  
  
"Because I am the only one who can take you for the night. Your crypt is kinda trashed, if you remember, and besides, Anya's out of town, and I'd kinda . . . well, kinda like the company." Xander stuttered to a halt. For a second I thought I was being propositioned. But not from him. Not for me. Just a lonely offer. I should be able to recognize that pretty easily. Lonely is becoming a more and more occurrence here. Bloody chip.  
  
But there was an offer here. Might not be the kind I was looking for, and certainly not with someone I would have expected, but it was still there.  
  
And I was so damned tired of being alone.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"Come on, Xander, I don't want to be alone again . . . " My voice has dropped to a whisper. I wonder if there is any hope. Any chance. Blood everywhere. Everything shades of red. Still warm. Still draining sluggishly from his body.  
  
What can I do?  
  
Something whispers in my ear . . . make him like you. Turn him.  
  
Turn Xander? He would make one hell of a vampire. The only thing holding him back is his conscious. His humanity. But what will happen if I take that from him? I want the real Xander. Not the Demon.  
  
Damnit!  
  
Why isn't someone here yet?! 


	3. Stay Alive

Ok, total change of POV à instead of 1st person stream of consciousness, gonna move more into narrative. That way you can actually see what it is the characters are doing instead of relying on what they are thinking. Possible switching to POV, but hopefully will not be confusing. Oh, and if you could tell me whether or not you like the change, it would be gratefully appreciated. If you don't, I can re-write it back into 1st person.  
  
Last Words 3  
  
Spike stared down at the almost lifeless form beside him. Xander was almost gone, and fading faster than he thought. There was no way that the ambulance he had called or Buffy and Willow were going to be able to get here in time. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to change Xander. He didn't want to have to turn him. Alexander Harris was made for sunshine and light, not for eternal darkness and shadow. But he couldn't just let him die, damnit!  
  
But he also couldn't bite the boy. It was going to be difficult. The change needed an almost complete exchange of blood. A Sire would normally drain the Childer or minions to the point of near death before giving his or her own blood. But Spike couldn't bite Xander. Would it make a difference if there was only a small amount of Xander's blood in Spike when giving the dying mortal his blood? Or maybe .?  
  
Spike raised his wrist to his mouth, teeth gouging into the tender flesh. After getting a stream of blood running down the length of his arm, he lowered it to Xander's mouth, letting the blood trickle inside, hopefully to be swallowed.  
  
"Come on, come on! Bloody whelp, never doing anything right, swallow, Damn you!"  
  
The blood dripped out of one corner of Xander's mouth. The beat of his heart was getting slower, skin growing colder. Xander was going to die.  
  
"Shit. Shitshitshitshitshit! I'm sorry, Xander, come on, you can do this, drink. Please drink, comeon, drink for me, pleasepleaseplease."  
  
Spike raised one hand and stroked Xander's neck softly, trying to get the boy to swallow. The muscles under his hand fluttered softly as a small amount of his blood worked its way down his throat.  
  
"Thank you, come on, a little more, and then the ambulance will be here, and then you will get all better, come on Xander."  
  
Xander's heartbeat didn't exactly get stronger, but it wasn't getting any weaker. The beats were more regular, his skin slightly warmer.  
  
The whine of the ambulance could be heard in the distance. 


	4. Why?

". . . going into shock. . . "  
  
"Another bag of blood!"  
  
Something whining inside my head. Make it stop. . . go away . . .  
  
" . . . responding . . ."  
  
"Alexander? Alexander, can you hear me?"  
  
Not Alexander. Not not not not not. Xander. Always. Happy. Smiles. Willow-grins. Xander.  
  
Alexander is bad. Bad memories, bad life, bad kid. Not good. Xander is good.  
  
"I think he's trying to speak. The bleeding has stopped, and I think the stitches will hold."  
  
Bleeding? Stitches? Huh?  
  
My head hurts.  
  
Thinking bad.  
  
"You can let his friend in now."  
  
Footsteps towards the door, then a soft voice calling for William. William?  
  
British accent. Not Giles. Spike? Here? Why? And where is here, anyways. Oh look, almost complete sentence!  
  
"How's he? Is he going to be okay?" Spike sounds worried. Wish I could remember why.  
  
"We stitched up his wrists, and he seems to be coming around all right, but I'd like to keep him here overnight. At least one night." "Why?" "Psychiatric evaluation."  
  
Oh.  
  
That explains it.  
  
"Can I go in?" Spike sounds kinda worried still. I don't think he likes the evaluation bit. I can almost hear the growl. Heehee. That's kinda funny. Spike growls. Hee.  
  
Ow.  
  
Laughing makes my head hurt.  
  
"We're moving him to a private room upstairs. You are welcome to stay for a while. I much prefer some of the more . . . worrisome patients to see someone that they know when they wake up. I'll clear it with the nurse." "Thank you."  
  
And there is that word again. Why is everyone worried? I don't really understand -- wait. Wrists. Blood. Spike. Stitches. Spike. But wrists? My brain better start working soon. This is getting really annoying.  
  
"Hey, pet. You don't seem very awake yet. The doc fixed you all up, but you'll have to stay here for a little while. Not long, just a little while."  
  
I heard all of that already, Bleach Boy. I'm not deaf. Or unconscious. Unfortunately. It would hurt a lot less. But hey, starting to feel a little floaty -- wonder what they put in the IV this time?  
  
"I don't understand. Why did you do it? What happened? Why now?"  
  
Why did I do what?! You gotta explain things a bit better, Spike. Drawing a really big, black blank.  
  
"What could be so bad that you had to kill yourself?"  
  
Oh.  
  
OH!  
  
. . . oops . . . 


	5. Alone

Xander seems to be sleeping now. I think the painkillers finally kicked in.  
  
Bloody Hell.  
  
What to do now?  
  
The Slayer and Red should be here soon. They were off trying to off the newest baddie. Not with their friend. The Whelp needed them, and they were off killing vamps.  
  
And they claim to be Best Friends. Capitals and all.  
  
Yeah, right.  
  
Bloody Hell.  
  
And why me?  
  
Why did I have to be the one to find him?  
  
All that blood......  
  
flashes of red, covering everything, 'Good-bye Spike'  
  
No!  
  
heartbeat slowing, skin growing cold, blood sluggish  
  
NO!  
  
Panic  
  
Nonononononono!  
  
Fuck!  
  
Why? That's all I want to know. Why did he do it?  
  
All he said was Anya. She left again.  
  
Bitch.  
  
Didn't fucking deserve him, anyways.  
  
I can understand why he would be upset, but hell! Death?  
  
Normally not against death and all. Vamp, y'know? But not him.  
  
Not Xander.  
  
Sunshine and light, burning inside, everything.  
  
After everyone else, don't think I could deal with another leaving.  
  
Angel, Dru, Harmony. Cecily. Buffy. Everyone.  
  
He's the only one . . . the only one I feel . . . comfortable with.  
  
He might not like me very much all the time, but he's still always been there.  
  
And he's not allowed to leave.  
  
I won't let him.  
  
I won't. 


	6. Safe

Spike's still here. I wonder why. I'm sure that he has better things to do than baby-sit a Scooby. But he's here. Even though he's asleep. Huh.  
  
Buffy and Willow left a little while ago, right before Spike came back. They were all "Poor Xander" and "What happened?" before moving straight on to what made them so late. Apparently the new Mr. Big likes ripping the heads off of puppies. Ew. Can certainly see why he/she/it comes first. Puppies of the world beware!  
  
Could hear Spike growling in the background before he just gave up and left the room.  
  
Odd.  
  
I felt safer with him here than with my friends, a Slayer and a Witch.  
  
Huh.  
  
Anyways, they're gone and Spike's back and I can't sleep. Again. Maybe the nurse can find me some nice sleeping pills...except for the fact that I am apparently on some kind of suicide watch, yet another thing that my friends didn't seem to pick up on.  
  
Which could be why Spike's still here.  
  
And everything seems to be coming back to that fact.  
  
I stretch and sit up, feeling slightly dizzy as my head tries to get used to not being against the pillow. I must have made some sort of noise cause the next thin I know, Spike is awake and next to me. Gotta love that vamp speed. And hearing. And whatnot.  
  
"Xander? Why are you awake, pet?" Spike actually sounds concerned. And looks concerned. This is interesting.  
  
"That's a very good question," I manage to slur out. Wow, the painkillers must be stronger than normal. "I wanna know why too."  
  
At least, that's what I tried to say.  
  
I don't think Spike completely understood it, but he seems to understand most. Or the gist of it, or something.  
  
"Why don't I call the nurse, and she can give you something to sleep. You shouldn't be awake."  
  
Wow...Spike is concerned....*very* interesting.  
  
I sigh and lean back against the pillows. Spike takes that as a yes and goes to call the nurse.  
  
And then he hovers.  
  
Wow.  
  
This is certainly a new development.  
  
Since when is Spike concerned?  
  
Since when is....  
  
Since.....  
  
~snore~ 


End file.
